


O Brother, Where Art Thou?

by ollie911



Category: O Brother Where Art Thou? (2000), Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Brotherly Love, Brotherly WTF, Demons, Gen, Humor, I have too much free time, O' brother where art thou, The Odyssey - Freeform, The author would like to apologize in advance, brotherly hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5234708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollie911/pseuds/ollie911
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer and Michael escape “The Cage”… but now graceless, human, and with every kind of creature and hunter (including everyone's favorite moose and squirrel) on their ass, the brothers need to find a way to get back to heaven and take back the throne that is rightfully theirs. With help from old friends, new friends, and questionable friends, Lucifer and Michael may just live to tell the greatest (and strangest) tale of them all.</p><p>This story is based on "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" By the Coen brothers. In turn, this movie is based on Homer's "The Odyssey." Basically this entire work is a fanfic about a fanfic about a myth with Lucifer playing Ulysses (or Everett) and Gabriel playing Athena. Does this sound like a train-wreck just yet? No? Keep reading and you'll see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Po Lazarus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that it is important to mention that there will be some discussion about adult substances in this fic. This means that alcohol and narcotics and mentions of porn will be present because I'm immature. However, I do not endorse the use of narcotics or alcohol or porn (unless you're into that).
> 
> Anyways, do enjoy yourselves.

            It was in the sweet dusty night of Kansas that Larry and Tuck decided to light up a blunt and just chill for a while. There was this random field some blocks away from their place where allegedly people had been murdered in, but it was vacant and no one came near, so they often used it as their private smoking chamber. It was amazing what mother nature could do for stoners, first she gave them grass to inhale, and then she created this beautiful field far away from the police station and the school where they could relax and rest and smoke for a while. They often drove there, well Larry drove them there. Tuck was often already too high to even see at this point.

            Larry and Tuck were lying on that field, pipes and Cheetos between them and a bond of brotherly love that was only strengthen by the fragrance of Mary Jane. Truthfully, it was a beautiful moment that couldn’t be disturbed by anything. The summer breeze was perfuming the air (amongst other things), and they were also perfectly alone. Their conversations were usually short and sweet, and very emotionally open just like two brothers should speak always:

            “Larry?” Tuck asked.

            “Yeah?” Larry responded.

            “I love you, man.” Tuck said.

            “I love you too, dude.” Larry replied.

            It was then that they heard a loud explosion, as if a car had slammed against another and burst into flames. Tuck sat up and looked behind him, to see two men he had never laid eyes on before.

            “Yo, Larry.” Tuck said, “There’s some dudes here.”

“Cool let’s share with them, but if they touch my kit Kats they’re dead.”

Tuck waved at the two strangers, a smile on his face. One was young and blond, looking like a college boy with a bright future ahead of him. The other looked like a homeless man who had recently been ran over by an SUV.

The homeless man walked up to them, “Gentlemen! It’s great to see some people around here.” He chuckled. Tuck chuckled too. He didn’t know why, but he chuckled. The blond was staring at the other with seriousness, as if he had something caught up his ass.

“I’m Tuck.” Tuck said.

“I’m Lucifer.” The guy responded.

“Shit that’s alright, I’m a Christian. What a name, with a name like that you’ve got one hell of an adventure ahead of you. Maybe you’ll live through great challenges and find great love, but with a name like Lucifer, misfortune will always follow.” Tuck said, holding up a blunt. “Want a hit?”

“I’m fine… thanks.” The man said, still a kind smile on his face even though his eyes were analyzing Tuck. “Would you two gentlemen kindly point me to the nearest car?”

“That would be ours, right over there.” Tuck pointed to their busted truck at the edge of the road.

“Thank you!” The man said, tilting an invisible hat at them and smiling cordially.  And then the men ran, slammed an arm against the front window and began to fumble with the ignition. In about five minutes they were out on the road, and the two men had stayed on the grass, not moving nor saying anything for a minute.

“Larry?” Tuck asked.

“Yeah?” Larry responded.

“I think they stole our car.” Tuck said.

“I love you too, dude.” Larry replied.

 

* * *

 

            Lucifer drove straight ahead, not caring to notice that the car reeked of weed nor that Michael was screaming that they just had done something immoral. Years together in that cage, and Michael had not yet known that he quite honestly did not give two shakes of a rat’s ass about morality.

            “-and those boys will not have a vehicle to take them back home, Lucifer I thought we agreed that if we were going to get our grace back and take back heaven we were going to do it _right_.”

Lucifer sighed and glanced at his brother. “Michael.”

“What. What is it now. What could possibly be wrong now. When the demons find out that we’re out of hell, they’ll send every angel, demon, hunter, and witch in their arsenal to kill us. What could you possibly want _now_.”

“Your fly is down.” Michael glanced down and made a face that Lucifer had known to be the one Michael made whenever he was going to murder someone. “What do you want me to say? You’re right, everyone is going to kill us and we’re going to need all the allies we can find right now. I suggest we find allies, and quick.”

“Well who do we have?” Michael asked. 

“Not a whole lot of people.” Lucifer muttered.

“Castiel.” Michael said.

“He’ll kill us.” Lucifer responded.

“The Winchesters.”

“Also will kill us.”

“Metatron.”

“Same.”

“Raphael.”

“Dead.”

“Eve.”

“Dead.”

“Bobby Singer.”

“At this point, probably dead as well.” Lucifer sighed and continued driving. 

“Well then who the hell is going to help us now?” Michael asked. He sighed, and turned to Lucifer who was not even glancing at him. The road ahead was dark and foggy, without a single light to shine their way through it. They would have to keep heading forward until they found the road to heaven and then take back the throne and then… well they were still going to figure that part out. They had to win back the heart of heaven, and Lucifer swore that they could get their grace back.

“What we need right now,” Lucifer said, his head filled with thought. “Is celestial help.”

“Yeah and where are we going to get that?” Michael laughed, “You killed most of my angels, and Castiel also killed most of my angels, and guess what? The Winchesters **also** killed most of my angels. At this point, no angel with a sane mind would ever help us-”

At that moment, Michael was interrupted by a charming voice coming from the backseat of the car. _“Hello boys!”_

Lucifer nearly drove the car into a ditch when he heard Gabriel’s voice in the backseat of the car.


	2. Down to the River to Pray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel decides to play Athena. Michael decides to be baptised. Lucifer decides that he should have been an only child.

“GABRIEL WHAT IN THE SHIT” Michael’s voice rang through the car in a ridiculously shrill octave. Lucifer had skidded the car to one side of the deserted road, but Gabriel had not left. He was smiling, with an ever-present cherry lollipop in his fingers. When the car had nearly toppled over and Michael had shrieked and flayed his arms around and Lucifer swore in at least twenty-four dead languages, Gabriel had not as much as budged. Now as they sat in the “parked car” both ex-angels with their hearts beating out of their chest turned around to glare at Gabriel.

“Nice parking there bro,” Gabriel remarked, a smirk on his face. “You truly did watch all the fast and furious movies didn’t you.”

To their blank looks, Gabriel just shrugged and his smile broadened.

“What? Did you guys really think I died?” He laughed, “Nah, I learned how to trick you two a long time ago. Do you really think that has changed at all?” 

Lucifer stared at his brother, “Gabriel, how did you-“

“Not important.” Gabriel said with a wave, “What is important is that the demons just found out that you two are out. This means that everyone’s gonna figure your gig out in a few hours. This means that you two are toast.” 

Michael glared at Lucifer, an expression that was all too common between them by now. Lucifer sighed; he could feel a headache forming in his head probably from dealing with both his brothers at the same time. His father had not given him that much patience when Lucifer had been created.

“Gabriel,” Lucifer said gently, “Could you please tell us the way to heaven?”

At this Gabriel laughed. He laughed and laughed until he was bent over in the back seat, his lollipop held up high safely with a free hand. Michael and Lucifer stared at each other in confusion and then turned back to their hysterical brother. Finally, after seventeen minutes (Michael counted) of waiting patiently for Gabriel to settle down, the youngest of the angels sighed and sat up, looking at his brothers.

“Do you really think that after what you did, I’m going to give you the easy way out of this?” Gabriel asked.

“Gabriel, please, we only want the best for heaven-“

“Hold up, what did you do?” Michael turned to Lucifer.

Lucifer hesitated, “It’s not important at the moment, I’ll tell you later.”

“No, I want to know what the hell you did.” Michael’s fingers drummed over the dashboard and when Lucifer did not respond, Gabriel was happy to do so in his stead. 

“He killed me.” Gabriel said simply.

“You did _what_?!”  Michael hissed at Lucifer, who had closed his eyes and had placed two fingers over his temple. 

“With my own angel blade!” Gabriel said, mimicking Michael’s tone. “Can you believe that Mikey?!” 

“You _told_ me that Gabriel had been murdered by crazed yet tragically beautiful angel!” Michael glared at his brother, who in turn decided to glare at Gabriel, who was grinning like an asshole.

“Well I told the truth-“

“LUCIFER.”

“What did you want me to do? If I had said _'Oh by the way Mike, I impaled Gabriel and left him to die, now let's go to heaven together,'_  you wouldn’t have come with me! Sometimes we have to lie for the greater good! Although I didn't lie... I hid the truth.” Lucifer waited for Michael’s response, but did not receive anything but a blank stare and a slow head shake from Gabriel.

“That reminds me,” Gabriel said, “I am going to help you guys.”

Both brothers turned to Gabriel, no smiles on their faces. They knew their brother too well and they were sure of what was coming. Lucifer could feel a headache starting up again.

“Oh come on guys,” Gabriel said, “It’ll be an adventure! Just trust old Gabe, he knows what he’s doing.” 

“Gabriel I swear to god-“

“Don’t swear on dad’s name, that’s bad luck. Now just relax and trust me!”  And with that, Gabriel had disappeared. Michael glared at Lucifer, and Lucifer out of resignation turned on the car and started driving again. He had just gotten out of the cage. It was far too early for these shenanigans.

* * *

 

After driving for about six hours, the two ex-angels finally began to feel tired. They had parked their car in some deserted little town in the middle of Kansas and walked into a motel. The man in the lobby seemed like a nice guy, with his small town ways and a little bowler cap.

“Good night boys!” The man said, tilting his little cap forward. “A bit late for both of you to be out, don’t you think?” 

Lucifer smiled, and decided to pull out the Winchester tactic. “We’ve been driving all night,” He laughed, “We’re on a cross country trip.” 

“Well sure sounds like fun!” He smiled and signed them in, “What are your names?”

“Michael, uh, Winchester.” Michael responded. Lucifer stared at him for the longest time while the man wrote down their names. 

“And yours son?”

Lucifer smiled, for a second he considered what this stranger with a cross hanging around his neck and a portrait of Jesus in every wall of the lobby was going to say about standing in front of the devil himself. “Oh I’m Robert… Singer.” He said softly.

“Alright!” The man said as he wrote the names down. “Say boys, since you both arrived into town, I’m happy to let you know that tomorrow our church is having a baptism service! You’re welcome to join us, we’re always excited for kind and honest people to be blessed by the grace of God.”

Lucifer smiled, “Oh that’s very kind but we really have to get back on the road, see our friends are getting married in a few days and we really have to go see them,” 

“Oh blessed day! I shall say a prayer for them, what are your friends’ names?” The man clasped his hands together.

“Dean and... Cassie.” Michael snickered when Lucifer responded.

“How wonderful!” The man smiled and handed them their keys, “Here you go boys, have a good night.” 

The next morning, when Lucifer opened his eyes he heard the chirping of the birds, the sound of children playing and... no Michael bitching at him. Fearing for the worst he stood up and got dressed, running outside of his room. When he opened the door, he saw three pairs of black eyes staring at him. One of them belonged to a familiar Scottish face. Lucifer couldn’t help but swear under his breath and wonder where in hell’s name (har) was Michael.

“Hello Lucifer.” Crowley purred. “Fancy seeing you here, all human and everything.”

“Crowley,” Lucifer responded. He wasn’t about to mention that his blood had run cold and that if he was an angel, he would probably have blasted Crowley’s Scottish ass so hard that whatever would be left of him would fit inside a tic-tac box. However, he was a civilized man and would never say that…so instead he decided to be shady. “Stepped up the ladder didn’t you? From your businessman days to this, that’s a remarkable leap. Who’d you sleep with?”

“Funny.” Crowley said, and waved a hand. Lucifer slammed across the wall, and part of him wished that for once Michael was there. His head hit a picture frame of Jesus and Lucifer groaned in pain. Crowley was suddenly in front of him; eyes deep blue like the sea suddenly turning into the demon black that Lucifer had manufactured for demons.

“Gabe…” Lucifer croaked, hoping someone could hear him. He was not about to die in the hand of his own creation. And where was Michael when he needed him?

Crowley suddenly pulled out an angel blade. He recognized the previous owner of the blade, some lower rank angel brutally murdered while he was still in power. As he closed his eyes and begged not to be sent to hell again, he heard that familiar singsong voice again. Never in his life had he been happier to hear:  “Lucy, I’m home!”

Suddenly Lucifer was not against the wall anymore, but out in a beautiful forest next to Gabriel. Around him where the shadows of trees and the sounds of nature, and in the distance he could hear a soft singing. It would have been very beautiful had Lucifer not been chased by demons at the time. He looked around for something to help him, and he noticed that a large group of people had gathered next to the creek. He recognized the baptism that the nice lobby guy had been invited Michael and Lucifer to earlier that day, and he also managed to recognize Michael in line, wearing a white robe as he waited to be baptised. It was then that he began to smell the scent of sulphur in the air.

Lucifer glanced at Gabriel, “Gabe, you teleported them here didn’t you.”

“Well no, they just followed us.” He shrugged, “Fun to notice how you’re standing about fifteen feet away from a giant body of _holy_ water and you’re still just here talking to me.” Of course, the baptism needs holy water, hence the water in the creek had to be blessed which meant that if he- _Oh no._ The gears began to turn in Lucifer's head, but he rather wished they hadn't as he knew that to solve his problem he was going to have to do something... kinda stupid. Lucifer could see Crowley heading his way, an angry look on his face and followed by three pissed demons. Before he knew it, Lucifer was running towards the creek like a coupon fanatic on Black Friday.

Michael was already being dipped into the water, a soft prayer being said over his head. It didn’t last long because Lucifer leaped over him, nearly drowning Michael and the clueless priest in the process. The splash that followed Lucifer's canon ball drenched the entire group around the creek, leaving everyone screaming in surprise. Soaking wet and angry, Michael’s head popped out from the water. He looked around for his brother while the rest of the congregation stared in shock at what had happened. He didn’t know that Lucifer, out of ideas, already knew exactly how to react.

“BLESSED DAY!” Lucifer roared as he blasted out from the water, his hands extended above him. Holy shit was that water freezing cold. “I HAVE NOW MET THE GLORY OF GOD ALMIGHTY, AND ALL EVIL WILL LEAVE MY PRESENCE! GOD BLESSES US ALL!” 

Michael stared at him for the longest time as the group of Christians in front of them cheered loudly, claiming praises to Jesus. In the distance, Michael could see Gabriel laughing hysterically; he was gripping on to a tree for support while he chortled and hooted. 

Lucifer leaned towards him, “Let’s get out of here before they make us go to a Republican Party convention,” He whispered. The brothers excused themselves, leaving the presence of the kind congregation and making a run towards Gabriel. Their brother was staring at them with tear stains in his eyes from laughter.

“Well Lucy,” Gabriel said shaking his head, “How does it feel to have the grace of God within you again?”

“Shut up.” Lucifer said, “I can’t believe I had to do this shit. Take me back to the motel Gabriel.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers, and in seconds they were back in their beloved motel. Michael glanced at Gabriel, his eyes asking for an explanation to what had happened in the creek. It took a good forty-five minutes for Gabriel to tell the entire story to Michael (including of course some commentary on the side directed to dear Lucy about the importance of wearing boxers when jumping into a river), and Michael all along stared at him as if Gabriel had suddenly grown an elephant trunk while he was talking.

“So Crowley was on to you,” Michael began, “And the best way out of it was to tackle a sixty-five year old minister in the middle of a forest?” 

“No, the best way out was not to tackle a sixty-five year old minister in the middle of a forest, obviously.” Lucifer sighed, “It was the only way out from where I could see it. The water had been blessed and so the demons could not touch or put foot on anyone in the water, so naturally my train of thought left me with one response; to jump in the water and save myself from the demons.”

Gabriel blinked, “You know, you could have just asked me to make them disappear.”

Lucifer stared at him for the longest time before he slowly took off one of his soaking wet shoes and threw it at Gabriel’s head.

It was going to be a long trip to heaven.


	3. Keep on the Sunny Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A really old friend, King Joffrey, and the Winchesters... What could the angels have possibly gotten into now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a bit late. I had a case of writer's block/ procrastination issues. Don't judge me it happens to everyone. Anyways, enjoy! Hope that you can find who plays "Calypso"
> 
> Yes, the Odyssey has a character named Calypso... she's not just Aunt Dalma in Pirates of the Caribbean. 
> 
> I know, I was shocked as well.

It had been an easy week for the Winchesters. There had been no demonic possessions, no angel shenanigans, no witches going haywire, no vampire covens, no freaky monsters escaping the underworld, and above all no word from Crowley. It seemed as if everyone had just banished, or they had taken the day off or something. Sam had been taking advantage of this easy week, and had spent the past seven days researching through unexplored shelves of the Men of letters’ library, taking in as much information as he could. At times, Sammy had taken a few hours off to just unwind and rest a few more hours than usual, but always returned to his work to use his time as productively as possible. Dean had spent the last week drinking whiskey and watching Game of Thrones. Life was good.

Of course, it wouldn’t last long.

On the night of their seventh day of freedom, when Sam was reading the bible in gaelic and Dean was watching the Red Wedding Episode; someone appeared in Dean’s laptop screen.

It was Gabriel sitting in the iron throne and smiling at him.

“Sam.” Dean said, “Sam something’s wrong with this.”

“I know, Joffrey’s a dick.” Sam responded.

“No, well yeah, but... Joffrey’s Gabriel.” Dean pointed at his screen and the other walked behind him, looking at the screen. 

“Hello boys,” Gabriel began, “I know you can see me, sitting in this sick ass throne…”

“Gabriel what-“

“Now, before you jump to conclusions I must say that _yes,_ I did fake my death and that yes, I did not tell anyone about this.” Gabriel clasped his hands, “That being said; I need your help on something.”

Dean and Sam glanced at each other. If the past had been an indicator of anything, it was that the archangel Gabriel was not a reliable friend. Sure, he was a liar and a killer and a bit of an asshole, but they had no choice but to listen to what the angel had to say. Otherwise they risked getting one of his “tough love lessons” which usually included bizarre shenanigans that were more than unsavory.

“See boys,” Gabriel glanced away for a second, “I have two friends who need your protection.” 

“Oh here we go.” Dean hummed.

“You don’t have to know the details, all you have to do is distract Crowley for a few weeks.” Gabriel lifted his golden goblet to them, “And I will be forever in debt with you. 

“This is stupid.” Sam said, “Why should we trust this guy?”

“Good question Sammy!” Gabriel responded, “Because I’m the only archangel with any juice left, and if you don’t I will be more than happy to simply shit all over your lives however short they may be.” He winked and pointed at the camera, “Come on guys! Do your cousin Gabey a favor!”

The brothers glared at each other and frowned. This was going to be one hell of a train wreck. However, they went down to the dungeon and quickly began to summon Crowley. Any excuse to bother the king of hell was a good excuse indeed… even if it was Gabriel dressed up as Joffrey. 

* * *

Leaving the motel for Lucifer and Michael was a radically liberating experience. Michael felt a bit closer to his father now that he was baptized, for he had never doubted of his existence and now he was sure that he was there with him. Lucifer was catching a cold and he was moody, but at least he wasn’t with those religious nuts anymore.

Suddenly they found themselves in a beautiful town of Arkansas. Lucifer immediately hyped up, for he knew that in this town there was at least a few rogue demons that could still be loyal to him… including one gorgeous Meg. Granted that Meg and him didn’t quite end up in the best of terms, but it could be worse. He may have left her to die, but hey he had stuff to do!

Sure enough, when Michael and him parked in front of a café in the little town; he was able to recognize the waitress.

“Well well…” Meg said as she served the good Lucy some coffee. “Long time no see…”

“Meg, darling.” Lucifer said, “How are you? Still in love with me?”

“No.” Meg responded dryly, but then she shifted into a warm smile and turned to Michael. “Now what are you two boys doing here?”

“We’re just cruising through,” Michael responded.

“Both of you? Together?” She scoffed, “Well how about that. Do you have a place to spend the night?”

“Now that you mention it, do you know somewhere?” Michael asked. Lucifer frowned, he knew that Meg was being a tad too warm right about know. She was a demon for crying out loud.

“Well of course I do,” She grinned... maybe too enthusiastically, “Why don’t we go after I finish here?”

The brothers sat down, Lucifer attempting desperately to speak to Michael without speaking. Michael was not too good at understanding body language. He clearly was the Carton Banks of this relationship. Lucifer did not trust Meg with a borrowed pencil, but of course she couldn’t know that, so when Meg finished both men followed her out of the building and into a small apartment right outside of the café.

She led them to a room with a couch and a bed and a dingy TV and left them to be. For a moment, Lucifer saw with a glimmer of hope that they could stay there for good and not get caught. He was so happy that he didn’t argue when Michael called for the bed or when his dear brother snored all night or when in the morning his neck hurt like a bitch. Everything was starting to look up… until Lucifer tried to leave the room. 

He opened the door of the apartment the next morning to find himself… in the apartment.

“What kind of Matrix bullshit…” Lucifer muttered.

And then he realized… Meg.

Of course this was her revenge. She was going to trap both of them into a perpetual loop in the apartment. She wanted them there, they were frozen there for good… for all eternity… they would never leave. 

Michael had a panic attack and Lucifer tried to jump through the window only to land in the living room floor. Meg had truly thought of everything. This is what he got for breaking the heart of a demon… he was now stuck in limbo like a soul in purgatory, only instead of lost souls it was busted down couches and ikea furniture.

“GABRIEL!” Lucifer called. 

Sure enough, Gabriel burst through the door decked from head to toe in some middle earth-y style outfit complete with a golden blouse, a dark vest, a golden crown with an intricate design in it, and some fancy-ass crossbow. The two other brothers stared at him as he walked in and he shrugged as if he was not wearing something pulled out of Guillermo Del Toro's reject pile of fantasy stories.

“I was working what’s up.” 

“Can you get us out of here?” Lucifer asked. 

“You pissed her off didn’t you?” Michael questioned. 

“Yes but is there a person by now that I haven’t pissed off?” He responded.

“Boys!” Gabriel said clapping his hands, “I can get you out! And the correct answer for that, Lucy, is _no_ there is no one you have not pissed off yet.”

Gabriel snapped his fingers and they were back in the car. _‘Great’_ Lucifer thought, ‘ _Just when I thought that shit could not get any weirder, in comes Meg and Gabriel to prove me wrong.’_ He sighed and turned on the ignition.

It was then that Lucifer heard gunfire, screams, and felt the sudden urge to duck and leave. With a confused look in Gabriel’s face, he knew his brothers had for once not been responsible of something. It was then that a man came running towards them, a bag in his hand and a gun in the other he jumped into the back seat of the car, put the gun barrel on Michael’s head and hollered, “ **DRIVE DAMMIT!”**

Lucifer was about to just give up on life at this point, and the stressed out angel out of ideas looked up at the heavens. 

‘ _Really?_ ’ He thought to himself, ‘A bank robber _? Really?’_


End file.
